Jessica's Travelogue

My sisters, for example, are my closest friends. But, when I returned, I could no longer relate to them. They didn’t experience living in Korea. They don’t understand the things I have been through or the things I talk about. They have also made a life for themselves. They have graduated university, have real jobs, moved out, and have serious boyfriends. I, on the other hand, am jobless, single, and have no friends. Also, I have spent the last 3 years building my life in Korea. Now that I am back in the US, I have nothing. So I have to start my life from scratch. And I have no one to talk to as my sisters are busy living their lives with other people. Also, the cold Minnesota winters and snow storms made me miss Korea even more.

Missing familiar sights. Everyday, I think about the familiar streets and places that I would venture in Korea. I miss the familiar landscapes. I miss Itaewon, I was there almost every weekend. It was so peaceful, so beautiful, so full of diversity. I felt so safe there. And I loved getting lost in the mountains/hills and just wandering around the neighborhood. I miss all the wonderful and unique restaurants. How full of youth, life, and community it is. I never got to properly say goodbye to Itaewon. I think that is what hurts the most. Ever since the incident in Itaewon, I haven’t been able to travel there and spend time there. It left me so traumatized. But I am trying my best to heal from it.

The US is so boring. In Korea, there were so many events happening every weekend. In a weekend, there could be multiple concerts, festivals, and events all happening at once. But where I live, it was dead silent. Even downtown was empty. Also, it was easy to travel places in Korea. I could be in my little town one day and travel across the country to go surfing the next. America is so big and everything is so far away and expensive. It’s hard to do anything without having to travel far and/or spending a lot of money. My dad said something and I totally relate to it; “In Asia, the malls are so full and busy. But, in the US, malls are so empty”. And I totally agree. In Korea, malls and shopping streets are so busy that it was hard to walk sometimes. There were so many things to shop and see. It was vibrant. The community was thriving. But, in the US, it’s empty. Also, a lot of businesses closed so there were a lot of empty stores at strip malls. It made me miss Korea because I felt like I am always trapped at home. I want to walk around. See things. See people. Do something.

I also miss the vibrant and advanced art scene in Korea. I spent a lot of time doing street and model photography while there. In the US, it’s so hard to find models and artists. Most creative people live in California, New York, or Nashville so it was quite sad since I have this strong yearning to do art but no one to collaborate with. Also, I miss dance classes. Going from Korea, where we have world class choreographers and affordable dance classes, to the my small town where there isn’t any choreography classes that fit the styles or skills that I was used to in Korea is hard.

Finding a job is hard. I have applied to so many jobs since I have returned from Korea but I have yet to land a job. Many of the people I know who returned back from teaching abroad takes 6 months to a year and a half to find a job. Others get certifications, go to graduate school, or move to a different country to teach. As someone who has always been a go-getter, this long period of unemployment makes me feel uncomfortable. I wake up at 5AM and enjoy being productive. So, having no work makes me feel so uncomfortable. Also, I miss the benefits of living in Korea. The affordable health care, pension, and severance pay. I guess I miss the comfort and security I felt living in Korea. But it’s not something I should complain about. I know I am lacking a lot and I am working hard now by volunteering, taking online courses, and working hard on my job applications. Hopefully I land a job soon and slowly start building my life again.

Healthy and affordable meals. One of the best things about living in Korea is that eating out is affordable. It was easy to find healthy meals that didn’t break the bank. In fact, most Korean people I know didn’t cook inside. Since we live in a one-room apartment, a lot of people told me that they don’t like to cook because it makes the house stink. So many people I know (young and old) went out to eat or order food delivery. But even when eating out, most meals are healthy as it is usually rice served with lots of side dishes and a main protein. Also, there’s no tipping so it was considerably more affordable to eat out in Korea.

I also miss the seafood from Korea. I never realized how un-fresh Minnesota seafood was until I returned back home. I ate out quite a bit after returning and was shocked to be able to tell that some of the seafood had a freezer taste or didn’t taste fresh. I never realized this before as I never had fresh seafood until I moved to South Korea. But now, I notice it. ㅠㅠ

Trying my best to readjust to life in the US. I am trying my best to readjust to life back in the US now. I’m not going to lie. I wanted to run back to Korea after two weeks of returning home. I feel like I don’t fit in here. It didn’t feel like home since my parents sold our childhood home and my family is all separated now. I feel loneliness in a different way. In Korea, I felt loneliness because I didn’t have anyone to have deep conversations with. No family to visit or have dinner with. But in the US, I feel a different kind of loneliness. I feel as if I don’t belong. And in a way, I hate it here. I hate how isolated everyone is. I miss the vibrancy, mannerisms, rich culture, and lifestyle of living in a lively and bustling city. But I will try my best to restart my life here, try new hobbies, and settle down. If things don’t work out in a year or two, I will try to go back. But for now, I should give it a try. Like my cousin said, it will take time to readjust back to life here. So I will try to stay a little longer.

Hwaiting!